First Post!

First post! Well, this is exciting, innit? Where to start commentating?

It's tricky, because as an American female living in the UK, I've only got one major media role-model to follow when it comes to cultural commentary: Gwyneth Paltrow, and she is a perilous paradigm at best.

But why, I hear you asking, would you not want to emulate this bodacious, blonde, bazillionaire babe? Jealous, hmmm?

Um, no.

In fact, if I had to wear those crazy-painful stilletto shoes she teeters around in, there wouldn't be enough money or fame or being-married-to-a-rock-star in this universe to make it up to me.

But while I feel her pedal pain, she irks me severely in the way that she copes with her ex-pat status. Most of you only get to see her in one media arena, British or American, but not both, so allow me to elucidate.

Gwyneth Paltrow Syndrome (GPS) is a rather junior high tactic for living a life between two cultures.

When GP gives an interview to Americans, she talks about how AWESOMELY free-spirited and life-affirming ye Yanks are in comparison to those stuffy old Brits with their brollies and their rigid class system and their mad-cow en croute. Hey, did you know that they call standing in line queuing? What a bunch of dentally-challenged freaks, am I right?

Then, when she talks to the British media, what does she do? If you said, 'Well, Mehitabel, based on what you've already said here, I'm betting she says the exact opposite,' then give yourself a macrobiotic, organic, hand-milled, fat-free cookie.

Yes indeedy, in the UK press Ms. P. portrays Americans as a bunch of uptight, McDonalds-gorging, Starbucks-swilling, culturally bankrupt puritans, while only the dear, authentic British know the value of REAL food, REAL theatre, REAL ale...

Now, believe me, I don't want to be overly harsh because I absolutely get the temptation she faces.

Who hasn't bitched to Kelly about Chianti's telling Cody Kelleher that you said you thought his brother was wicked hot when that was TOTALLY supposed to be a secret and also, did you see what she was wearing on Tuesday, OMG, who does she think she is, Alyssa Milano or something?...and then turned around and bitched to Chianti about the fact the Kelly borrowed your brand-new acid-washed jeans and spilled vodka-spiked grape Kool-Aid all over them and then she didn't even say sorry, and also did you see what she was wearing on Wednesday, OMG, who does she think she is, Demi Moore or something?

And still, as much fun as this is, by the time we're, oh I dunno, let's say 15, most of us have figured out that this type of two-facing makes us Not Very Nice People. So we stop doing it. Mostly.

In this little blog, I do want to share my observations on some cultural differences....oh, okay, let's be honest about this: I want to vent, vent, vent. But in the interests of avoiding GPS, I shall attempt to balance any nasty observations about one country with an equally nasty one about the other. Or, hey, maybe even something nice if I'm in a really good mood. That's fair, right?

Well, I'll try, anyway.

But say -- as long as you're here anyway, did you see what the Queen was wearing on Thursday? OMG, who does she think she is, Princess Grace of Monaco or something?